eBook PDF / e-Pub The Austere Academy (A Series of Unfortunate Events, #5)

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Title:The Austere Academy (A Series of Unfortunate Events, #5)
Format Type:Ebook
Author:Lemony Snicket, Brett Helquist
Publisher:HarperCollins Publishers
ISBN:0064408639
ISBN 13:
Number of Pages:221
Category:Fiction, Young adult, Childrens, Fantasy

The Austere Academy (A Series of Unfortunate Events, #5) by Lemony Snicket, Brett Helquist

PDF, EPUB, MOBI, TXT, DOC The Austere Academy (A Series of Unfortunate Events, #5) Violet Klaus and Sunny are at first optimistic attending school is a welcome change for the book loving trio and the academy is allegedly safe from the dreaded Count Olaf who is after their fortune .

Dear Reader .

If you are looking for a story about cheerful youngsters spending a jolly time at boarding school look elsewhere Violet Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire arc intelligent and resourceful children and you might expect that they would do very well at school Don t For the Baudelaires school turns out to be another miserable episode in their unlucky lives .

Truth be told within the chapters that make up this dreadful story the children will face snapping crabs strict punishments dripping fungus comprehensive exams violin recitals S O R E and the metric system .

It is my solemn duty to stay up all night researching and writing the history of these three hapless youngsters but you may be more comfortable getting a good night s sleep In that case you should probably choose some other book .

With all due respect Lemony Snicket

The Bad Beginning (A Series of Unfortunate Events, #1)

Dear Reader br br I m sorry to say that the book you are holding in your hands is extremely unpleasant It tells an unhappy tale about three very unlucky children Even though they are charming and clever the Baudelaire siblings lead lives filled with misery and woe From the very first page of this book when the children are at the beach and receive terrible news continuing on through the entire story disaster lurks at their heels One might say they are magnets for misfortune br br In this short book alone the three youngsters encounter a greedy and repulsive villain itchy clothing a disastrous fire a plot to steal their fortune and cold porridge for breakfast br br It is my sad duty to write down these unpleasant tales but there is nothing stopping you from putting this book down at once and reading something happy if you prefer that sort of thing br br With all due respect br i Lemony Snicket i


The Reptile Room (A Series of Unfortunate Events, #2)

Dear Reader br br If you have picked up this book with the hope of finding a simple and cheery tale I m afraid you have picked up the wrong book altogether The story may seem cheery at first when the Baudelaire children spend time in the company of some interesting reptiles and a giddy uncle but don t be fooled If you know anything at all about the unlucky Baudelaire children you already know that even pleasant events lead down the same road to misery br br In fact within the pages you now hold in your hands the three siblings endure a car accident a terrible odor a deadly serpent a long knife a large brass reading lamp and the appearance of a person they d hoped never to see again br br I am bound to record these tragic events but you are free to put this book back on the shelf and seek something lighter br br With all due respect br br Lemony Snicket


The Wide Window (A Series of Unfortunate Events, #3)

Dear Reader br br If you have not read anything about the Baudelaire orphans then before you read even one more sentence you should know this Violet Klaus and Sunny are kindhearted and quick witted but their lives I am sorry to say are filled with bad luck and misery All of the stories about these three children are unhappy and wretched and this one may be the worst of them all If you haven t got the stomach for a story that includes a hurricane a signalling device hungry leeches cold cucumber soup a horrible villain and a doll named Pretty Penny then this book will probably fill you with despair I will continue to record these tragic tales for that is what I do You however should decide for yourself whether you can possibly endure this miserable story br br With all due respect br br Lemony Snicket


The Austere Academy (A Series of Unfortunate Events, #5)

Violet Klaus and Sunny are at first optimistic attending school is a welcome change for the book loving trio and the academy is allegedly safe from the dreaded Count Olaf who is after their fortune br br Dear Reader br br If you are looking for a story about cheerful youngsters spending a jolly time at boarding school look elsewhere Violet Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire arc intelligent and resourceful children and you might expect that they would do very well at school Don t For the Baudelaires school turns out to be another miserable episode in their unlucky lives br br Truth be told within the chapters that make up this dreadful story the children will face snapping crabs strict punishments dripping fungus comprehensive exams violin recitals S O R E and the metric system br br It is my solemn duty to stay up all night researching and writing the history of these three hapless youngsters but you may be more comfortable getting a good night s sleep In that case you should probably choose some other book br br With all due respect br Lemony Snicket


The Miserable Mill (A Series of Unfortunate Events, #4)

Dear Reader br br I hope for your sake that you have not chosen to read this book because you are in the mood for a pleasant experience If this is the case I advise you to put this book down instantaneously because of all the books describing the unhappy lives of the Baudelaire orphans The Miserable Mill might be the unhappiest yet Violet Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire are sent to Paltryville to work in a lumber mill and they find disaster and misfortune lurking behind every log br br The pages of this book I m sorry to inform you contain such unpleasantries as a giant pincher machine a bad casserole a man with a cloud of smoke where his head should be a hypnotist a terrible accident resulting in injury and coupons br br I have promised to write down the entire history of these three poor children but you haven t so if you prefer stories that are more heartwarming please feel free to make another selection br br With all due respect br br Lemony Snicket


The Ersatz Elevator (A Series of Unfortunate Events, #6)

p i Dear Reader i p p If you have just picked up this book then it is not too late to put it back down Like the previous books in A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS there is nothing to be found in these pages but misery despair and discomfort and you still have time to choose something else to read p p Within the chapters of this story Violet Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire encounter a darkened staircase a red herring some friends in a dire situation three mysterious initials a liar with an evil scheme a secret passageway and parsley soda p p I have sworn to write down these tales of the Baudelaire orphans so the general public will know each terrible thing that has happened to them but if you decide to read something else instead you will save yourself from a heapful of horror and woe p p i With all due respect i p p Lemony Snicket p


The Vile Village (A Series of Unfortunate Events, #7)

Dear Reader br br You have undoubtedly picked up this book by mistake so please put it down Nobody in their right mind would read this particular book about the lives of Violet Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire on purpose because each dismal moment of their stay in the village of V F D has been faithfully and dreadfully recorded in these pages I can think of no single reason why anyone would want to open a book containing such unpleasant matters as migrating crows an angry mob a newspaper headline the arrest of innocent people the Deluxe Cell and some very strange hats It is my solemn and sacred occupation to research each detail of the Baudelaire children s lives and write them all down but you may prefer to do some other solemn and sacred thing such as reading another book instead br br With all due respect br br i Lemony Snicket i


The Carnivorous Carnival (A Series of Unfortunate Events, #9)

In the continuing appalling tales of the Baudelaire siblings the children are on the run having been falsely accused of murder so they hide in the carnival as part of Madame Lulu s House of Freaks Ages br br Everybody loves a carnival Who can fail to delight in the colorful people the unworldly spectacle the fabulous freaks A carnival is a place for good family fun as long as one has a family that is For the Baudelaire orphans their time at a carnival turns out to be yet another episode in a now unbearable series of unfortunate events In fact in this appalling ninth installment in Lemony Snicket s serial the siblings must confront a terrible lie an ambidextrous person a caravan and Chabo the wolf baby


The Slippery Slope (A Series of Unfortunate Events, #10)

p i Dear Reader i p Like handshakes house pets or raw carrots many things are preferable when not slippery Unfortunately in this miserable volume I am afraid that Violet Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire run into more than their fair share of slipperiness during their harrowing journey up and down a range of strange and distressing mountains p In order to spare you any further repulsion it would be best not to mention any of the unpleasant details of this story particularly a secret message a toboggan a deceitful map a swarm of snow gnats a scheming villain a troupe of organized youngsters a covered casserole dish and a surprising survivor of a terrible fire p p Unfortunately I have dedicated my life to researching and recording the sad tale of the Baudelaire orphans There is no reason for you to dedicate your self to such things and you might instead dedicate yourself to letting this slippery book slip from your hands into a nearby trash receptacle or deep pit p p i With all due respect i p p Lemony Snicket p


The Grim Grotto (A Series of Unfortunate Events, #11)

In their desperate search for something lost the Baudelaire children encounter new and terrible horrors including mushrooms a mechanical monster a distressing message from a lost friend and tap dancing Ages br br Dear Reader br br Unless you are a slug a sea anemone or mildew you probably prefer not to be damp You might also prefer not to read this book in which the Baudelaire siblings encounter an unpleasant amount of dampness as they descend into the depths of despair underwater br br In fact the horrors they encounter are too numerous to list and you wouldn t want me even to mention the worst of it which includes mushrooms a desperate search for something lost a mechanical monster a distressing message from a lost friend and tap dancing br br As a dedicated author who has pledged to keep recording the depressing story of the Baudelaires I must continue to delve deep into the cavernous depths of the orphans lives You on the other hand may delve into some happier book in order to keep your eyes and your spirits from being dampened br br With all due respect br Lemony Snicket


The Wide Window (A Series of Unfortunate Events, #3), The Reptile Room (A Series of Unfortunate Events, #2), The Slippery Slope (A Series of Unfortunate Events, #10), The Carnivorous Carnival (A Series of Unfortunate Events, #9), The Vile Village (A Series of Unfortunate Events, #7), The Miserable Mill (A Series of Unfortunate Events, #4), The Ersatz Elevator (A Series of Unfortunate Events, #6), The Bad Beginning (A Series of Unfortunate Events, #1), The Grim Grotto (A Series of Unfortunate Events, #11), The Austere Academy (A Series of Unfortunate Events, #5)